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Aug. 15th, 2012

Frustration and Prayer

So, I'm just going to come out and say it;

I understand that I am short. 5 feet isn't exactly tall. I am aware of this, I have been aware from the moment I was able to comprehend differences.
HOWEVER, my intelligence doesn't correlate to my height.

Just for background reference, I am currently in an accelerated college course studying to be a DSW in order to fix a perceived gap in the missions field towards the mentally ill or disabled. Just over a month ago, we were assigned groups for a Client Case Study worth 50% of our mark for this module.
There are 3 people in my group, including myself. Everything I have submitted to the professor related to this case study (as well as individual assignments) have been between an A or an A+. This is not an attempt at bragging, but merely fact. One of the women in my group submitted a portion of the case study and it failed. That's right, it failed! Did I yell, scream, accuse, berate or degrade her? No. Have I treated her any differently than before her blunder? No. I offered to fix, edit and revise that portion before it was resubmitted as part of the full report.
Upon completion of this revision, I brought it back to school with me. Immediately she and the other group member (who, I must add, has done very very little throughout, unless she was talked through it) demanded I e-mail it to them and started changing all of my revisions.
Listen, I am once again not bragging, however, I am extremely adept. When it comes to writing, grammar, punctuation, or anything correlating to the English language I am pro. The changes they made resulted in fragmented sentences, improper word usage and the odd punctuation issue. Did they listen when I explained the problems? No. Was my time and energy wasted when I revised the stupid thing? Yes. Yes indeed.
I decided on the best and most efficient way to set up our presentation, and then?? Then they made decisions regarding it between themselves, while I was present and didn't bother allowing me input.

As a follower of Christ, it is not becoming of me to scream in their faces, stomp my feet or flip chairs (the latter two aren't acceptable anywhere even though they would be satisfying, but I digress).
I simply stated, albeit they didn't ask, what I felt was necessary to obtain a high mark and left it alone.

What upsets me the most is that this isn't exactly uncommon.
I have a young face.
I'm short.
Due to these facts, I usually have to fight, claw and scratch to be taken seriously. It's disheartening. I am an intelligent girl. I'm funny, I'm witty. Why can't I be seen as such, instead of just subconsciously labelled young and therefore not be taken seriously as the adult that I am?

Jesus, I pray that you open the eyes of those around me to what I have to offer. I ask that you help them to see me as the adult that I am and not the high school girl I so resemble. I pray for peace, patience and guidance throughout these struggles. I ask, Father, that you open my own eyes to the good qualities in those who unknowingly and knowingly belittle or persecute me for being the person you created.
In Your Son's name I pray,

Aug. 6th, 2012

A Dozen Pizzas and a Religious Tie

Anyone who thinks that God doesn't have a laugh every now and again doesn't have much of a sense of humor!
It seems to me that He laughs often.
With me, even though it tends to take me a while to get the joke.

For example, the way this blog was born.

It wasn't created out of a need to spread my view on Jesus, nor was it spawned by a passing fancy. It wasn't established out of boredom, and trust me when I say it wasn't designed because I believe I have great musings or pearls of wisdom to bestow.

I am writing and creating and wracking my brains at midnight after work and church because Jesus and His Father decided to have a laugh while giving me something to ponder.

I am sitting here because of a dozen pizzas and a scriptural tie, as well as the man who was wearing it.

I work at a pizzeria, slapping cheese on sauce on dough, trying to pay my way through college. It isn't a glamorous job, but I enjoy it as much as I can. The pizzas are as cheap as five dollars, so customers usually order multiple pizzas, which isn't a big deal, as we usually have plenty on hand.

However a man approached the counter and wanted a dozen pizzas, not all one kind. We usually appreciate an order of that size phoned in ahead of time, so when I repeated the order to those making it, there was a lot of grumbling, as well as the odd curse.

I continued to be courteous, even though the man was rude and his eyes revealed that he regarded me as an inferior. As I tried to remain kind in the face of such blatant rudeness, I noticed his tie.

Here's where I am going to stop for a minute. I'm going to help you to see me through his eyes. I'm a short girl, standing at only 5 feet. I have short, hot pink hair (This was done on a whim) and multiple piercings in my ears, as well as one below my lower lip. I don't consider myself punk, or emo, or whatever it's called these days. I simply do what makes me feel comfortable. What makes me...well, me. To the man in the tie, however, it seemed I was little more than trouble. Let me assure you that this is the last thing I am. Outspoken, yes, loud, often. But not mean, rude, confrontational, or any of the other things my appearance may cause others to label me as. I am kind, generous, intelligent and frankly, very boring!

Now, back to his tie.

I can't remember the verse, but it was somewhere in the Gospel of Matthew. His tie had the verse written in multiple areas, and was really eye catching.

While waiting for his pizzas to be made, I commented on his tie and tried to strike up a conversation on Matthew, as well as the verse on his tie. I mentioned how much I adored his tie, and rambled on happily about the verse. He looked at me and made a sound in his throat somewhere between shock and disdain, like he couldn't believe that someone like me had any input on something like bible verses and Jesus.

I am not passing judgement on him, and I am not discounting the fact that he may have been in a bad mood or having a rough day. However, when someone thinks that you don't belong, you know. You feel it. I realized that by being me, pink hair and all, I had been deemed unfit to join the Kingdom by a man who wears beautiful verses on his tie, for the world to see.

This hurt.
But it also got me thinking.

God is funny.

You see, this morning, our pastor preached on the body of Christ, and how it is glorified by the different parts it is made up by.

12 Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For we were all baptized byc]">[c] one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free —and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. 14 Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.
15 Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? 18 But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. 19 If they were all one part, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, but one body.
21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don't need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don't need you!” 22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, 24 while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, 25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it"

I felt, deep in my soul, that He was laughing harder as I began to understand, and as the Man with the Tie walked away, I was laughing too.

I realized instantly, with no thought or meditation, that I was supposed to be right here, typing at midnight, until I had the beginning of my story out.

I am a new Christian, baptized in the name of Jesus my Savior, to follow His teachings. I am a unique person who happens to enjoy strangely bright hair colors and the odd bit of metal in my ears. I am a sinner, struggling against my nature, stumbling, falling, looking away, turning my face back to Jesus and being forgiven. Basking in His glory and mercy, sulking like a petulant child and laughing with Him in a way that only close friends can manage.

I am just like you.

Only, I'm different.

I love the Lord in my way, and you in yours. It doesn't matter how it's done. What matters is that Jesus is at the center of it